Becoming a Father in the Digital Age

So as the date draws nearer for my wife to have our kid (9/29 is the date give or take a few) I find myself obsessed with “what ifs of parenting” which is THE WORST way to look at things. I go over scenario after scenario in my head, good, bad, and indifferent. I all end up doing is creating more questions.

Then the whole Time magazine breastfeeding article hit the world to a mixed view of horror, shock, repulsion and meh so what. Then all the types of parenting “styles” came out:
     •Attachment parenting is also called responsive parenting. Parents are responsive in every way to the needs of their child, and the child responds by forming a closer bond.
     •Uninvolved parenting doesn’t set rules for children, or offer emotional support or otherwise get involved in their children’s lives.
     •Indulgent parenting or permissive parenting is when parents raise their kids without making any demands or setting any expectations. Parents often bond with their kids, but never teach them how to properly behave. The main effect of this style is kids will be more responsible with their actions and have the freedom to choose.
     •Babywise parenting focuses on putting the parental relationship as the important factor in the family unit, and never let children come between the parents or interfere with the parents in any way.
     •Authoritative parenting is simultaneously demanding and responsive, assertive but not intrusive. They set high expectations and clear rules for children while providing affection and emotional support.

As Lynn and I both post sonogram images of the upcoming kid I found myself wondering is that the right thing to do. I know I want to share my joy with all my friends. Most of the people I am friends with on Facebook are people who have known me through the hideous-emo high school years of bad poetry and sulking, the college folks who met the happy wide-eyed ready for anything me, and the various co-workers who have become dear friends over the years knowing the passionate, angry, grumpy and funny guy that shows up for a 9 to 5. I am a pretty open guy, most everyone knows the rule: “Don’t ask me a question you don’t actually want an answer to.”

Then I read this article on Parenting.com, “An Open Letter to the Breastfeeding Boy on the Cover of Time” and it really gave me pause. This particular quote really hit me:
“I’m worried about this kind of fame for you. Obviously I don’t know your mother’s intentions, but it’s no surprise to me that 3,000 moms offered to reveal themselves on a national magazine cover. Why? Because people love using their children to get attention. We use our kids to make ourselves seem more interesting and compelling. We post pictures of them in the bathtub on Facebook. We use their annoying behaviors and amazing triumphs as status updates. We Instagram them. We Tumblr them. We blog about them.”

So how far is too far?

How much info about your kid on the web is too much?

Will posting all those cute videos of the weird, funny, ridiculous and funny to us -- but embarrassing to them stuff -- we post come back to haunt not us, but them?

I feel terribly for that boy on the Times cover. I KNOW that will come back to haunt him when he’s 13 and yet he wasn’t even a thought in my head when the article first came out. That’s what makes me feel the worst. I just thought “wow that lady’s got a set of balls to put that out there like that” and never gave a single thought to the kid.

It just hit me that I can’t simply dismiss Facebook like I normally do. Not only do I have to care what other kids might say about my kid later but I need to worry about what I post about my kid now.

Just another “what if” scenario I need to add to my growing list of thoughts and worries.